Have you heard of Stuart Wilde? He's a spiritual scamp. I find great inspiration and comfort in his writing. If you can get hold of his books, do so.
Here are three good articles worth reading.
The Feminine Nature of Surrender
The Safety of Tenderness
The Eternal Tao
I find the Taoist way of thinking (or not!!) is a wonderful gift for everyone. It's not new age mumbo jumbo, it's not religion, you don't have to go out of your way to dress up in funny clothes or be something you're not.
Think about those three articles and how it might fit in with your thoughts on martial arts.